Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Wide awake in the middle of the night

Well, here I am, 5 a.m. and I've been up for about 2 hours now. Can't sleep at all. My left leg is hurting, my right one keeps getting little spasms. My right shoulder grinds now, after the port surgery. And I can't sleep more than two to three hours a night because of the steroid injection they gave me during chemo. So, I'm having a fun night for sure. O'well, could be a lot worse. I could be in the hospital in a lot worse condition, so I am grateful for that. I'm also grateful to my friends. The multiple emails and phone calls I've received from them has been a great motivation for me. I really enjoy talking to all of them, some whom I haven't spoken with in years. Partly my fault, partly just loosing contact information. But all in all, things are great considering the circumstances.

One of my friends, Amanda, who's mom is a recent survivor of breast cancer, has been very encouraging to me. She will tell me all the things her and her mom went through, and the things that helped them out. When I talked to her yesterday, she was saying (about her mom) that God wouldn't put you through all of this if He didn't have some kind of awesome plan for you life. I keep getting told that too, but nothing has materialized yet. Guess that's the frustrating part of it all. When will I be able to move on into what God has planned for me? Am I there now, cause I don't see it. But in it all, even though I may get tired and frustrated with it all, I know He's there coaching me along. I just wish things were a little easier. haha It's all good though. As long as there's a good outcome for me or someone else, then it's all worth it.


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