The Struggle with Cancer

Last PET scan

2012-01-20T19:52:00.000-05:00

Had my last P.E.T. scan back in December. And everything was clear! So, that makes two years worth, and everything is looking great. My doctor said she sees no reason to do any more scans. That we will just do blood work for the next few years. So, I think I'm over the hump.

I'm so glad to be done with these scans. Not that they were so bad, in particular. But going and doing them each time, was just so nerve racking. Because of that chance that something will show up this time, again. That voice in the back of your mind saying: "What if they find something this time? What are you gonna do?" The anxiety of having to wait a week or two for the results is almost maddening. So, thank the Lord above I made it through with flying colors.

So, now on with life, for the most part. Other than the occasional blood check, I feel like I can finally move on. Now I just have to deal with the after effects. Those being the thyroid medicine and all of that. Been finding out that my testosterone levels have been real low, which is probably what's contributing to my weight. Which I'm still doing okay with, I'm down to 249 pounds. But I'm just not making the gains I wanted, cardio-wise. Not really getting any stronger, or cardio getting much better. Maybe I'm just expecting too much? I don't know. But it seems that after all the exercising I've been doing all this time, I guess I just expected more. So, if I get my testosterone levels back to where they should be, will that change? I sure hope so.

Not much else going on here. Still not riding a mountain bike. I'm missing it, honestly. But don't know if I'll be able to ride. With my knee, after a while of that repetitive motion, just makes it so sore. But I did get those shots in my knee, and maybe once I get back into a little bit better shape, I'll give it a try again. Maybe my weight is causing more problems than I expected. Cause trying to pedal around as much weight as I'm trying to is making it that much harder, obviously. We'll see.

So, with the P.E.T. scans being done with, another chapter in this story of my life is over with. Feels good. Feels strange. Strange because this has been at the forefront of my life for so many years now. I was first diagnosed in 2007, and it's now 2012. Five freaking years. On a path of life I NEVER expected to have to take. But I've gotten through it, and still breathing. I have a new lease on life, and am trying to make it better.

Yet another long overdue post. Not what I expected, I suppose...

2011-09-24T22:54:00.001-04:00

Well, yeah, it's been a while since my last update. Not a whole lot to report either. Haven't been riding the bike nearly as much as I thought I would. Kinda lost the desire for it. Plus, I've been having trouble with my knee and leg again. My knee, it's just shot. Have to start getting these lubricating shots again. And my leg, it's just not getting it's strength back. Trying to pedal a bike is just too much, the muscles in my leg just are not cooperating enough. Walking and hiking isn't too much of a problem, but trying to pedal is too much. O'well, so there's a summer's worth of goals that didn't happen.

That's alright though, because i've been in the gym a lot more. I have lost over 50 lbs. now since April. And I can tell a big difference. I feel better, my clothes are fitting better. Having to get a size smaller pants and stuff, which is good, but can be expensive replacing the clothes I have. But that's alright, that's a good burden. Been doing a lot of walking, hiking, weights at the gym, and eating a lot better. So, yeah, doing pretty much everything better. Of course I cheat on the eating here and there, but kinda have to. Keep from going insane. lol Or at least from falling off the wagon.

About the only other thing, I have my last (hopefully last, anyways) P.E.T. scan in December. Doc said that as long as that one is clear, it will be the last one. All I'll have to do for the next few years will be blood work. God, what a good feeling!

Other than that stuff, not a whole lot to report. Just enjoying life as much as I can. Yeah, I have my down days, but who doesn't? Some other good stuff going on also, but we'll save that for another day. ;-)

And thanks for those of you that read this. I've gotten some feedback from others, and it helps to know that I can help someone else out. I said in my last message I wanted to get more involved with stuff, but haven't had much chance to do it. Yeah, lame excuse, I suppose.

Mid June heat

2011-06-06T01:16:00.001-04:00

Not a whole lot new going on. Just working on getting in shape. Which is coming along alright. I really got serious about losing weight and getting in shape about the beginning of April. I've lost 30 pounds so far, and losing more each day. Have the right motivation now. Some different personal goals that snapped me out of that rut I was in. I've been riding my mountain bike more, a lot more than I before. And I've also thrown in some hiking, for a good mix. I'm wanting to go backpacking some also. Probably no time soon, seeing as how there's a lot of stuff I'd need to get. Like a good backpack, tent, boots, etc. So, for now I've just been hiking around Kennesaw Mountain, on top of riding my bike of course. As far as my bike, I've already had to replace a few parts due to them just not being tough enough. lol I've been riding at the usual places. Blanket's Creek, Big Creek. There's also a new place I'm going to start riding more frequently, Allatoona Creek. It's just right for me right now. It's 4 miles long, and it's just about the right amount of difficulty to be a good challenge for me. Now, for most other people who ride, it wouldn't be much. But for me, it's just right, right now. I'm doing really good at building my fitness back up, relatively speaking. I'm also getting better with my diet. Been eating a lot better, and feeling better because of it. I do allow myself to cheat every once in a while, but because I've drastically changed the way I eat, that when i do cheat, it usually means an upset stomach. lol Guess that's not a bad thing though. Just my body telling me I shouldn't eat that crap to begin with. So, not much else to report on other than the weight loss. I'm proud of myself, and others are starting to comment that they can tell I've lost weight. That makes me feel good about what I'm doing and what I've accomplished so far. Barring any injuries or anything, there's no stopping me now. :-)

As for my goals this year, I mentioned before about some places I want to ride. Haven't gotten to ride any of them yet. At the moment, I'm just working on getting in the best shape I can so I can actually enjoy them instead of suffering through them. But I will ride them before the end of summer. Which, by the way is starting off way too hot. Goodness, it's already getting up well into the 90's. It's been so weird, because just two weeks ago, it was getting down into the 40's, and barely getting about 60 for a few days. Freaky weather.

Anyways, thanks to those who have commented and all. The encouragement is great, I appreciate it. I'm still struggling with things involving the whole cancer thing. I read so much about other survivors who are real gun-ho about doing fundraisers and raising cancer awareness and all that. And that stuff is great. I support them 100%. But for me, I don't know. Part of me is still at a point that I don't want to be constantly reminded of everything I've been through. Then there's a part of me that wants to help others out in some way. To show them that there's others out there, to give them some hope. I guess I just haven't found my place yet. Don't know if I ever will. I'm still trying to figure all that stuff out for myself. I'm not worried about it though. I'm just wanting to enjoy my life right now. That's kinda the whole point of suffering through all of that crap, right? To have a life?

Pics of the new bike, finally

2011-03-26T10:52:00.001-04:00

Sorry about the delay in posting a follow-up. Had good reasons though. The doctor found that I had "elevated liver enzymes" in my bloodwork about a month and half ago. The problem with that is, the elevation could be a sign of liver cancer. Although the chances of it being liver cancer were fairly low, they wanted to get a better picture of what's going on. Well, after an ultrasound, and about a quarter of all the blood running through my veins being drawn, turns out it's just a "fatty liver". Basically saying I'm just overweight. Well doc, I could have told you that. Anyways, thankfully it wasn't cancer, because Lord knows I DO NOT want to go through all of that again.

So, on to bigger and better things. I still haven't made any concrete plans as far as some kind of "epic" ride or anything. I think for this year, I'm just going to work on getting in shape, and riding as many different places in the area as I can. There's a lot of trails here I haven't had a chance to ride yet, like Ft. Yargo, Bear Creek, etc. A lot of places that sound fun. So, I'll do that, and maybe next year do something crazy.

I also promised a few pictures of the new bike. Here they are. It's a 2011 Trek Xcal. 29er wheels, 2x10 drive train, Rock Shox Reba RL fork, and other cool tech type things on it. I know I need to worry about just riding more, instead of getting all the really nice components for it. It's hard not to though. I am going to try and hang on to this one for a while. It's a great bike, fits me just about perfectly, and is fun to ride.

Well, 2010 is over with

2011-01-13T02:34:00.001-05:00

Well, 2010 is over with. Sure went by fast. And I feel like I didn't do nearly as much as I would have liked to do. I really wanted to get back into exercising, riding my bike more, and really buckle down on doing more school work. But for some reason or another, I just never really committed to any of it. I could go on with the excuses, but I'm not going to. So, for 2011, I'm going to try harder at everything. I have a new mountain bike, and am still working on what goals I want to set for myself this year. One thing I'm thinking of, as far as mountain biking, is to ride in a 50 mile/12 hour marathon. I may be biting off a lot more than I can chew, but at least it's something to focus on and move towards. If I can just get my knee/leg to cooperate a little more, I'll be good. My knee should be good to go for a little bit. After a couple of x-rays, the docs said I basically have no cartilage left in my knee. So, I had a series of shots to help "lubricate" the joint, and hopefully they'll last at least a year. I sure didn't enjoy the shots, but they seem to be helping. Along with the knee shots, I am starting a workout program that is specific towards mountain biking. There's a lot to it, and it's a little intimidating, but I'm going to try it.

Okay, so other than the mountain bike thing, I finally finished my Fire Inspector II certification. I am so glad that's over with. There's so much to it, it's almost overwhelming. I feel like I could do the job fairly competently, though. I'm looking for a position with the government (I have over 12 years total in, so might as well stay with it), but it's kind of slow going. Not a lot of open positions that I can qualify for at the moment. But I'm going to keep looking. In the meantime, I'm going to see if I can go on some inspections with the base inspectors, to get a better feel for how they do it, and get some actual experience under my belt. I also want to start taking some college classes again. I'm not too sure on what to focus on at the moment, but I can at least get the general classes out of the way.

On the cancer front, I had my two year scans/tests in November. Everything came out great! Which is a huge relief for me. Sure doesn't seem like it's been 2 years since the transplant. But thank the good Lord above that I've made it two years. And with the two year anniversary and clear scans, I've officially been released as a patient of the transplant group. Yee Ha! I've been released back to my original oncologist doctor, Dr. Hahm, who is awesome. She's going to have me do a scan/test in 6 months, and another at 1 year. As long as those two are good and clear, I should be finished with the testing! And will be given the all clear! Oh Lord, let me get though this next year with my sanity intact! With all of this good news about me, I kind of feel bad because I haven't contributed back to anyone or anything. I feel compelled to do some kind of volunteer stuff or support help for those that are still going through treatment. I have no idea on what to do, or where to put that focus at, but I'm going to try to do somthing this year. More to follow.

So, with this being my first post of the new year, I'm going to work on posting more often. Looking back at my posts for 2010, it's not nearly enough, I don't think. For my next post I'll put up pics of the new bike, and try to flesh out some kind of plan for my mountain bike "event". Until then, everyone enjoy the new year.

Bring a can of WD-40 with you to the doctor...

2010-09-09T12:18:00.000-04:00

Had the orthopedic doctor's appointment a week and a half ago, and my knee isn't as bad as they thought. From the symptoms, it seemed like I may have had a tear in the meniscus. But after the MRI, it wasn't that, but a lot of the cartilage in the area, especially behind my knee cap, is just about gone. So, short of a total knee replacement, there's not much they can do besides some "lubrication" shots (which I automatically began thinking they would connect a can of WD-40 to a needle). Which I should start those very soon, at least hopefully. Besides, I'm way too young for a knee replacement. On top of the WD-40, I started taking that Glucosamine combination stuff, so we'll see if that helps.

I was actually able to get a short ride on the bike today also. Lord am I out of shape! That's alright though, I have a refreshed outlook on my health and all that. I have a long way to go to be able to do one of my "epic" trips, but a couple of books I've picked up lately and websites I've found have inspired me to really focus on the goal. So, we'll see how things turn out. Who knows, I may even be living in a different state by then. ;-)

May scan was great

2010-08-08T19:22:00.002-04:00

My latest scans/tests were back in May. The bone-marrow doctor told me everything looked as good as they could possibly be. Pretty good relief for me. I told me regular oncologist, and she told me that with Hodgkin's, if it's going to come back, it will do so usually within the first year or so. So to have perfectly clear scans at this point (18 months from the transplant) is great news. Although it's still possible for something to happen, I'm feeling a little bit more confident that I'm in the clear. Now all I need to do is get back into shape. It's been so hard trying to exercise, it's not even funny. Even after 18 months, I still get winded very quickly, and just don't have much drive to work out as much as I should. I figured the after-effects of all the treatments would do this, but not for this long. Although I have read about some people feeling this way for up to five years. I surely hope it doesn't take that long for me. On top of all that, I've been having problems with my knee again. The past few months it's been hurting like crazy. I've been seeing an orthopedic, and he's fairly sure I have a torn meniscus and maybe even some damaged cartilage on the back of my knee cap. I'll be scheduling an MRI to find out for sure. So, that means probably another surgery on my knee (this will make three). So, my summer is done for. O'well, as long as they get my knee feeling better, that's all I care about. I know before, I may have mentioned some things I've been wanting to do, like some good mountain bike trips, maybe even a bike-packing trips (backpacking, but instead of hiking, riding a mountain bike). Those have been put on hold until next year, until my knee is better and I can get into shape.

On to other news. This past May I went on a trip to my mom's, up in Maryland. Had a great time, although the weather wasn't great. Took a trip to Baltimore harbor, which is really nice. Some different boats to go on, a cool aquarium, a really cool looking Hard Rock Cafe, and other things to see. I really enjoyed it. Since the trip, I've just been working a lot. Maybe too much, but ya gotta do what ya gotta do. Maybe things will turn for the better on the job status soon. I'm in training to be certified as a Fire Inspector level 2. Once I finish it up, and maybe get some experience under my belt, I'll be able to get a job as an Inspector. Which would be great. Regular Monday thru Friday schedule, good pay, and I'll still be part of the fire department. Pretty cool. So, hopefully things will work out for me on this.

Well, nothing more to report on. I'll write again as soon as I know something about my knee, and any else that may happen. Hope those of you that actually read this are doing good. I know I don't communicate nearly as much as I probably should. For that I apologize. Just not much to report when all ya do is work. Hopefully when my knee gets better, and I'm able to get back in shape and all, this blog will morph into some sort of super exciting record of my amazing adventures. Haha, we'll see. Until then, God bless.

Latest tests look great

2010-04-18T09:23:00.001-04:00

Just had my latest PET scan a few weeks ago, and everything looks good. They wanted to re-do the PET scan from November because there was still a bit of "activity" showing. Not enough to call it cancer again, but more than normal. What they mean by activity is: on the scan, it shows how active the cells are. Someone without cancer will show 0. Whereas, when I was diagnosed, the activity was up to around 8 to 10, which definitely means cancer. Well, the scans back in November showed activity around the 2.8 to 3 range. Which doesn't mean cancer, but shows something is going on. They weren't too sure what it meant, either the cancer was coming back, or an infection can show the same thing. So, they wanted to give it a few months and do another scan. So, the latest one showed the activity around 2.3 to 2.5. Which is great, in that it shows the activity is lowering a bit. Not quite 0 yet, but it shows improvement. My Oncologist explained that with Hodgkin's, that activity will show for quite a while (i.e. a few years) while the lymph nodes recover from all the treatment. And with Hodgkin's, if it was going to reoccur, it reoccurs very fast like it did the first time. So, with it being well over a year without it coming back, my chances of staying in remission are looking great. Praise God! I'm so ready to be done with this stuff.

Other than all of that, nothing much has been going on with me. Just working a lot. This summer is looking to be fun. Going up to my mom's in May for a week. This summer I'm looking to do some fun stuff, like camping, white-water rafting, zip-lining, and what ever else may come up. We'll see. I'm just looking to have some relaxing fun. And yes, white-water rafting is relaxing to me. It fills that urge to do something exciting, and afterwords I'm able to relax and reflect on what I just did. And it helps me to realize I don't have to dwell on wether or not the cancer is back, which I tend to do a lot. Maybe everyone who's had cancer does this, I don't know. But I sure do. And getting the good news from the scan, I'm slowly realizing I can stop worrying about the cancer, and focus more on other things, like my fitness. Which I should have been doing all along, but I got into a slump of thinking" why should I bother working out if I'm going to have to go through treatment again." I know that thinking like that is wrong, but in my mind, it was a very rational thing to do. So, I'm working on getting over that, among other things. I may even meet up with a personal trainer to help figure out a plan that would work best for me.

Until next time, let's hope and pray that this streak of good news continues.

It's been a while, had a great summer

2009-11-03T00:31:00.001-05:00

Yeah, I know I haven't posted anything. Gosh, has it really been since May that I've posted anything? Haven't had much going on as far as the cancer goes. I got the all-clear at the check-up in May, and have been trying my best to enjoy the summer. It's strange, as it's basically been my first summer in the past three years that I haven't had to do some sort of treatment. And it's been a good summer. I got to go camping (to include kayaking, swimming, etc.), white water rafting (which was a blast!), some good mountain biking (but not as much as I wanted as I'm still really out of shape), and my mom's side of the family had a reunion. Lots of fun there. It was great to see all of my aunts, uncles and cousins. Everyone was concerned for me when I was going through treatment, talking on the phone and stuff. So, it was good for all of us to know that I'm in the clear now, and to be able to spend time with each other.

So, I'm suppose to go this month some time to get my 1 year checkup. Haven't gotten my appointments yet, but it's coming. I'm sure everything is fine, but there's always that part in the back of my mind that says "what if the tests come back positive again?" There will always be that shadow of doubt, but I keep trusting that the Lord will see me through. I pray that I don't have to go through this again. This whole transplant ordeal was more than enough for me. Partly physical, but also the emotional side of it is really hard. In fact, I'm still kind of struggling with some stuff emotionally. I won't go into detail, but some of the people that I thought would be there to support me were no where to be found. Even to this day.

There are times that I just want to forget everything that's happened. It's not that I'm ashamed of it or anything, but I just get tired of trying to deal with it all, or to have to explain everything from the beginning yet again. I don't resent the person asking. I know they're maybe being supportive and truly wanting to learn or whatever, but it's just exhausting.

Another thing that's always on my mind, is that I feel like everyone I've met in the past few years, all they think about when they think of me is the cancer. It was only a few months after I moved here that I was diagnosed, and pretty much my entire time here has been spent dealing with the cancer. So, in my mind, I feel like that's all they associate with me. And I know that, for some small part, it is true. But maybe I'm just a little paranoid too. It's just hard to discern which is which, because I just don't talk to hardly anyone any more. Everyone has their lives to live, and when someone isn't able to be around, they kind of get left behind. Or because of my lack of fitness, I haven't been able to go on too many excursions. O'well, I just need to give it some more time, and hopefully everything will pick up again.

Okay, anyways; all things considered I'm doing pretty good. I'm finally getting back in to the gym, and really making a push to get back in to shape. So I can basically do more stuff next year. I definitely want to do more mountain biking, and maybe some hiking/backpacking, you know stuff like that. One thing that I definitely have planned for next year is to do a "bike-packing" trip. Basically a back packing trip, but instead of hiking, it's riding on the mountain bike. You carry your stuff in a back pack, and also on racks on the bike. You can cover more ground in a given time, and it's just a different dynamic. I don't exactly know where I'm going to do my trip yet, but I have plenty of time to figure that out. I've been reading a lot on different places to go, also what items to take, what not to take, etc. I'm looking forward to it, and will surely post pictures once I finally get out and get to do this.

Well, I'm sure that's enough for now. Once I get my next set of tests completed and receive my results, I'll post again. Until then, thanks to all of you who have read this blog. It's been a good release for me, and my hope is that maybe someone will be encouraged or educated with my experiences and such. Take care, and I hope everyone is doing good. God bless.

Second 6-month update

2009-05-11T20:35:00.001-04:00

Had my 6 month checkup today, or the scans and bone marrow biopsy. Everything went pretty good, not in too much pain. Where they do the bone marrow biopsy (top parts of the hip bone) is sore, but that's to be expected. The blood work came back looking pretty good, but doesn't really show whether or not the cancer is back. So, my follow-up appointment isn't until the 18th, so we'll see how things go. I'm pretty sure everything is clear, because I'm feeling good. Good enough to go to the gym and all that good stuff. So, if you could, keep me in your prayers that everything is good to go.

Other than that, everything has been pretty non-eventful. Just working a lot, that's about it. Hope everyone is doing good.

Another Long Overdue Update

2009-04-16T19:45:00.007-04:00

So, for those of you I haven't been in touch with in a while, I really do apologize. As of 26 February, I'm officially in the clear again. WooHoo! Seems like ever since I got the all clear, life has been a whirl-wind, which is partly why I haven't posted a new message for a while. I started back to work at the base the very next day, having to work over-time already too. And as of yesterday, I'm back to working part time at the bike shop. I'm feeling great, my strength has definitely come back, but I'm finding out that maybe I'm not 100% yet. The docs told me that all of the treatments I've been through, any type of physical fitness I may have had before, it's gone. And I packed on a few pounds along the way. So, I'm starting back at, pretty much, 0% fitness. No biggy though in my opinion, just means I can ony get better, right? I'm finally feeling good enough to get back to the gym and start riding my new mountain bike. Yes, you read that right, NEW MOUNTAIN BIKE ('09 Fisher X-caliber)! Just took her out on the maiden ride today. Being as how I'm so out of shape, I didn't get to ride much, but it definitely felt good to get out again. Got a good, solid hour ride in, partly still trying to adjust the levers and stuff to feel just right, but it was definitely fun. I attached a few pictures of it, for those interested. Of course this is after the first ride, and it's a little dirty. Who wants to see a clean bike?! haha

Anyways, I go back to the doctors in May for my 3 month checkup. I'm sure everything will be clear, but just for good measure, say a little prayer for me, will ya? After this checkup, I won't go back for another one until February of next year. It's definitely nice not having to go to the docs every single day for something, but now that I'm in the clear, it's been a strange experience not having to go back. Does that make sense? I was restricted from doing so much for so long, and now I have the freedom go back to doing what I "normally" do. It's defnitely an big adjustment to get use to, but I guess in a way it's a good thing, because it gives a chance to not do the same old routines, and to develop better, healthier ones. I guess that's what I'm trying to say. It's hard to explain I guess. Suffice to say, I'm not doing the same old thing, and trying to make it a habit to do better things.

So, that's really it for now. I'm feeling great, and glad to be done with this. Hopefully for the last time. Two times is enough!

Long overdue update

2009-01-23T20:32:00.001-05:00

Wow, it's been a little while since I sent an update. I apologize to everyone I don't stay in contact with much. So, anyways, everything is going pretty good. I was officially discharged as a transplant patient on Dec. 19th, which was a great feeling. That basically means the transplant worked, and worked well. I did have to spend a few days in the hospital after treatment due to some bad sores in my throat. And I wasn't able to keep any food down for a few days. But everything is a lot better now. I'm getting my strength back finally, and ready to get back to life as normal. The docs won't let me yet, though. I'm still off from work, and not allowed to go to church or anything yet. I should be cleared to do all those things around the end of February. About the middle of February I get a full round of tests to make sure everything is going good. I could still have a spot or two of cancer, if so I'll probably have to have a round or two of radiation. We'll see though. If everything is clear and where it should be, then they'll clear me to go back to work and everything.

So, that means a lot of time at the apartment right now, either cruising around on the internet or playing my Nintendo Wii. The Wii is a lot of fun including Mario Kart, but I would like to get a few more games. I have a few friends who have Mario Kart also, and being able to play them online is pretty fun. Now, if I can just get my internet connection to work for more than 10 minutes at a time, I be cooking with gas. Other than that, life is pretty none-eventful these days. Nothing "exciting" or newsworthy to write of. So, if you have Mario Kart and connected to the internet, let's get a game together. It's a lot of fun!

Day 19, and everything's going great.

2008-12-03T22:06:00.000-05:00

So, I'm on day nineteen after the transplant, and everything is going great. I'm ahead of schedule as far as recovery, which is a great thing. I was having to come in every day to get 2 bags of fluids, but have already been cut back to 3 times a week, and only 1 bag. Which is a good thing. My blood counts are doing great, and if I didn't mention last time, the bone marrow transplant was successful! Thank God! I was kindof worried about it, because there are some people here who's transplant didn't take, and they had to start everything over. So, now my prayer and request is that the bone marrow transplant does the trick and the cancer doesn't come back. Lord knows I don't want to do this again. Since my last email, I had to spend a week in the hospital because I had gotten some pretty bad sores in the back of my throat to where I wasn't able to even eat. And after about 5 hours of being admitted, I started to run a fever. But I got released last week, and since then my health has shot up like a bottle rocket. It's amazing actually, one day I'm feeling like crap, the next I feel good. Weird, but I'll take it. And I apologize to everyone for not letting you know I was in the hospital. I was just feeling really bad and didn't get around to doing an email. I know some of you expressed you wanted to come and visit if/when I was admitted. And I know some has expressed you would like to come around and spend some time with me. So, if you want, just let me know when's good for you. My evenings are pretty much clear. I still can't go out or anything, so most of my evenings I'm just sitting around not doing much.

Anyways, other than that, everything is going fine. I got to see my niece for her first birthday the other day. She was so cute! I'll post some pictures on my blog when I can, hopefully this evening. I got her one of those stuff-a-bears, and it has a heartbeat to it. I thought it would be kinda cool to have a teddy bear with a heartbeat, but after feeling it, it's kinda creepy. LOL O'well, hopefully she'll like it when she grows up. Not much else going on. Hope everyone is doing good, and had a good thanksgiving. And Merry Christmas!

A few days after transplant.

2008-11-16T09:56:00.000-05:00

I just had my stem cell transplant this past friday. Which they officially call Day 0. I'm so glad to have that out of the way. Now I just have to wait and let them (the cells) do their thing, if they want. There is a chance that the transplant won't take. Which means I'll have to have a donor, and go through a whole new set of hurdles. But I'm not worrying about that right now. I'll fill everyone in on that if and when it happens. Let's just pray it doesn't. The doctors are saying that my blood counts will probably bottom out in the next few days, meaning I'm the most susceptible to infections or fever or whatever. So, I'm having to take it really easy for the next few weeks. But I'm feeling fine right now. I just started to get a sore at the back of my throught. It makes it a little hard to swallow, but not bad yet. They say in the next few days it's going to get bad enough that they're going to have to admit me to the hospital. O'well, it's expected to have some type of hospital stay, so might as well get it out of the way. Other than that, everything's going okay. I haven't had much to do, beyond going back and forth to the hospital every day. Being here for 8 to 10 hours a day, then when I get home, I'm just wiped out. Just a minor inconvinence is how I'm looking at it. Hopefully within a month, this will all be a thing of the past.

One good thing through all of this though, is that I've met a lot of great people, both nurses/doctors and patients. Everyone has their story to tell, and it's great to hear where they're coming from and how they're dealing with everything. Everyone has a positive attitude about their outcome. And pretty much everyone has a genuine interest in what you have to say, even if it's a story they've heard a dozen times. Which I think it's good. It's good to get it out sometimes with someone who knows exactly where you're coming from. Great people here that I hope to stay in contact with once everything is over and done.

Mid-November Update

2008-11-06T21:16:00.001-05:00

Well, this past few weeks have been interesting. Last week, I spent pretty much the entire time in the hospital getting the stem cells collected. The actual process was painless, but just having to be there the whole time and feeling fine was getting to me a little bit. I was getting a little stir crazy. But everything went good, they got more than enough stem cells to continue on with treatment. So now I start the really fun part, chemo. Yay! This week, starting today, I have to take an oral chemo through the weekend. It's kinda crazy the amount of pills I have to take. It's incredible. I actually took a picture of all of them and posted it on my myspace and facebook page. Check it out!

Starting next week, I take the regular chemo, through the central line in my chest. Shouldn't be too bad, as it's the same stuff I had to do before. But just a higher dose. But they're going to be watching me like a hawk for about the next month. If I even get a fever above 100.5, off to the hospital I go. It's all for my good though, and I'm grateful for it. It's just a really big inconvenience. I just can't wait to get better again, and get back to life as normal. But the Lord has been good to me through all of this. It could be a lot worse. And like my step-dad says "I have the best worst luck of anyone in the world." Pretty much rings true. Other than that, nothing else really going on. Just enjoying my Nintendo Wii. I can't wait to get some more games for it.

Things going slowly, but surely

2008-10-21T20:49:00.000-04:00

Things are still going slowly as far as my treatments, but at least we've made another step. The doctors/nurses were not able to collect enough stem cells once my counts came up. So now I have to do things a little bit differently. I'm now part of a clinical trial for a new drug called "AMD3100", and basically does the same thing as the other stuff I was taking, but more effective. And since it's a clinical trial, once I start taking this stuff, I have to stay in the hospital so they can monitor me. It's not that I have to stay in because it's going to make me sick or anything, but they just have to keep an eye on me just in case something happens. So, in other words, I'm a little bit of a guinea pig for this drug. lol. Actually it's a pretty good drug for it's intended purpose, a little bit better than the stuff I was taking. It's been in clinical trial for a while now, and found to be very safe. It goes up for FDA approval in January, so it's as close to being out of trial as it could be. So, let's just hope this does the trick. Because I don't really want to know what's next if this doesn't work.

Other than that, not much new at all. I've been playing some games on my new Nintendo Wii. Man, that thing is so much fun. I'm so glad I got it. Now I just need to start getting more games. On the not so great side, my desktop computer has pretty much kicked the bucket. I can't even get the cd drives to work any more. I built it up almost 4 years ago, so I suppose it's served well. I could keep replacing the parts on it, but it's pretty outdated. So, I think I'm just going to start "experimenting" with it. haha. But I do have my pretty new laptop (less than 6 months old), which is probably going to be my main computer for the forseeable future. Which is fine with me. It's a great laptop, a Dell XPS 1530. Couldn't ask for too much more.

Mid-October update

2008-10-09T09:35:00.001-04:00

Sorry for not updating a little bit more often, but things are going slow at the moment. But over the past few weeks, I've had a catheter tube put in to my chest, and had one round of "mobilization" chemo. The chemo I had was basically to get the stem cells moving. But things aren't going as close to schedule as they thought. I was suppose to start getting the stem cells collected, but my counts have been too low. See, I'm having to take these Neupogen shots that's suppose to boost my white blood cell count. But I'm still at the downswing of my counts, and hopefully they should be bouncing back up soon. And I just found this out, that the stem cells are basically immature white blood cells. That's why they have to wait for the counts to come back up. And sense my counts aren't up to where they should be, they can't collect them. So, we (my mom and I) have to keep going back to the hospital every day until my counts come up enough. Kinda getting agrivating, but there's nothing anyone can do. Just have to wait. So, other than that, not much new going on. My last day at work was on the 26th. It's been wierd having all this time off. I'm not use to this. I miss having to go in and see everyone all the time. And it's just a harder burden on everyone else to take up the extra slack, which I really hate to do to them. Hopefully they can get another person in there really soon. Because if things keep going the way they are right now, Lord knows how long it's going to be before I go back. I guess I'm just frustrated with everything right now. I just want to get this all behind me, and was expecting everything to go according to plan. But anyone who's known me for more than a few days knows that doesn't happen. haha. O'well, I can't complain too much. I'm still kicking, so the plan for me is to keep going. And thanks to everyone who's really stepped up to the plate and helped me out. It's been great being in contact with everyone, and the great meals have already started. Thanks so much to you all of you for everything. I pray for you all, and thank God for you.

Not much new since last time

2008-09-17T04:44:00.001-04:00

So, not much has happened since I was discharged this last time from the hospital. Just kinda getting myself ready for the next month or so. The stem cell transplant process begins in a few weeks, beginning with collecting the stem cells. The doctors will basically give me a medicine that makes the stem cells from my bone marrow move out into the blood stream, where they collect the cells during a type of blood transfusion process. So, they take those stem cells, and freeze them until they're ready to be used. From here, I'll start taking an oral chemotherapy, a pill basically, for almost a week. I guess it's pretty bad stuff, because I have to take an anti-seizure medicine along with it. So, barring any complications with that, I'll have a few days off, then start another round of regular chemo. Same thing as I was taking before, but a higher dose. All of this is to basically kill off the bone marrow. Okay, so at this point, the marrow is gone. About a day after the chemo treatment, they will give me back the stem cells. Somehow, these stem cells know they need to go to the bone marrow and start rebuilding it. Hopefully it won't take too long for them to do their thing. So, during this whole time, I'm not allowed to go anywhere, except for the hospital, for about two months. I can have a few people come over at a time, but I can't be in any big crowds, because my immune system will be trashed. During this whole time, I have to have a "caretaker" with me the whole time. So, my mom is coming down to stay with me, for as long as it takes for me to get better.

Well, that's the next few months of my life in a nut shell. I'm getting pretty anxious about all of this. Not really looking forward to all of this, but hopefully it won't be too bad. Also, I'm going to be out of work during all of this. But the great thing is, I'll still be getting paid. I'll basically be on leave, using all of my sick and vacation leave. Well, obviously I don't have enough time to cover all of the time. So, they have this program with the D.O.D. civilians, where others can donate their vacation time to someone who may need it. They did this for me, and people have already donated way more time than I would probably need. Which is a great feeling. I'm so glad that 1. they're is a program to help others out, and 2. that they're are plenty of people that really care enough to do donate their vacation time. So, I won't miss a paycheck or anything like that. It will just be hard for me not going to work, having to stay at home pretty much all the time. O'well, I'll make it.

Back in the Hospital

2008-09-03T18:24:00.001-04:00

Well, I thought things were going good. I finished up chemo last week and finished moving in to my new apartment this weekend. But this past Saturday, I began noticing an itchy bump on my leg starting to form. By Monday, it had swollen up pretty good and started ozzing stuff. So, I figured I would go to the emergency room, maybe get some antibiotics and call it good. Figured it was a spider bite or something like that. Well, after I got to the emergency room, they saw that my blood counts were very low (because of chemo-therapy), and that I had a high temperature again. And the place on my leg, I just found out may be a staff (spelling?) infection. So, I'll be here in the hospital again for a few days. Luckily I thought ahead of time and packed a bag. Seems like every time I'm not even feeling good, it ends up in a hospital stay. Hopefully this little trend stops soon. This is getting old. The thing I don't get is that I feel fine. The place on my leg is sore, but other than that, I feel fine. O'well, I'll survive. I just want to hurry up and start getting well again. So, here I am again. I should get discharged by Friday afternoon, hopefully. If I find anything new out, I'll post another update.

Round three this week

2008-08-25T20:07:00.002-04:00

Well, since the hospital stay last week, everything is going fairly good. Can't complain too much, except the hair on my head is falling out. It's pretty weird actually, it hasn't 100% come out, but there's only a few patches here and there. So, I just shaved it down all the way. Also, my facial hair almost completely fell out. I was in the shower, and while washing my face, half of my gotee came out in my hand. I thought "well, that's not cool." And of course, about 90% of it came out then, so I shaved the rest of it off, and haven't had to shave since. Kinda nice actually. But it just looks weird, to me anyways. And since I'm looking like Mr. Clean now, I've even had friends not even recognize me. I'm setting there waving or saying something, and they give that uncomfortable "hey" response, with the look on their face like "what's this wierdo want?" You all know what I'm talking about, we've all been there. I just laugh.

I started my third round of treatment today, another three days of setting here for hours on end. I had my checkup CT scan, to make sure the cancer is responding to the chemo, and thankfully it is. Which means the cancer is on it's way out again. So, everything is still on track for me to get the stem-cell transplant on time. Which that should start in about three weeks or so. The doctor asked me if I was nervous about it, and I told her I wasn't, but that I just wanted to hurry up and get this over with. I'm tired of being so worn down.

As far as non-cancer related news, I'm moving to another apartment this week. It's the same apartment complex, just moving to a 1st floor apartment. That 3rd floor is really getting to be a pain to walk up and down to all the time. Just need to finish packing, and I'll be ready to go. Almost seems like a waist of time to have to pack everything up, because I'm just moving across the parking lot. But it's been good to go through everything and weed some stuff out that's just taking up space.

Well, not much else to report on, I guess. I attached a picture I just took during chemo this morning, so you'll be able to recognize me. I won't dime anyone out for not recognizing me up until now, but after this, no excuses! Just kidding. Hope everyone is doing good. You all have been in my thoughts and prayers.

I'm outta here, the hospital that is

2008-08-14T08:10:00.001-04:00

Well, I'm finally getting discharged. I'm feeling good, and no sign of fever or infection. They don't really even know what happened. Just some type of infection that got in, and did it's thing. Good news is that I'm better, and getting out of this boring place. Everything went good though, I can't complain. All the nurses were good, and nice. Just the food needs a lot of work. ;-) So, as soon as I get home, I get to come right back for chemo. Yee ha. I guess it's alright though. I would rather try to stay as close to schedule with that as I can. I'm only a few days off, so treatment won't really change too much, if at all. So, I'm going to get ready to get out of here. Thanks to everyone that visited, emailed, called and especially prayed. It definitely helps break the monotony of setting here bored for hours on end.

I'm in the hospital again

2008-08-12T11:54:00.000-04:00

Well, yesterday was my first chemo of round 2. Treatment went ok, and got home around 2 pm. Around 4 pm or so, I was feeling fairly bad with a fever, headache, having a hard time breathing., and some other stuff. So, I checked my temperature, and it was 101. I took some Tylenol, and an hour later, my temp. was up to 103. So, I went to the emergency room, and they did a ton of tests. Haven't found what's going on yet. I'm going to be here for at least 2 days, at least that's what they are saying. They think it may be some type of infection, but haven't been able to figure out what it is, or where it started at. So, here I am in the hospital trying to stay at least a little bit awake. I'll post again when I find something out.

1st round of chemo down

2008-08-09T04:37:00.001-04:00

Hi Everyone,

My first round of chemotherapy is over with. Treatment started Monday, 28 July, with 3 days of chemo. Then starting the next Monday, each day for 5 days I had to get a shot of Neupogen, basically a white blood cell booster. These shots will sometimes make your bones hurt, because it's basically making your bone marrow work a little harder to produce more blood cells. But I didn't have any pain what-so-ever. So I've been pretty lucky as far as that. Overall, I'm feeling pretty good. I haven't been getting very sick, just a little upset stomach and a wierd, metallic taste in my mouth. Strange, but it went away after a few days. And the upset stomach is easily remedied with a medication called compazine. So, as far as the rest of the treatment, everything seems to be on track. I should be starting round 2 of 3 this coming monday. It depends on whether my blood counts are high enough or not. But they should be fine. If everything stays on track, I should be doing the stem-cell transplant in mid-september. As far as I know, anyways.

Other than that, everything is the same for the most part. I'll be moving to a 1st floor apartment at the end of the month, which will be a God-send. I'm getting so sick of going up and down those 2 flights of stairs. But other than that, life is pretty much the same.

Starting Chemo Today

2008-07-28T12:25:00.000-04:00

Well, actually I'm having the chemo right now. I was able to hook up to the hospital's free wireless, so I figured I would give the "play by play" action that is a chemo treatment. Fairly un-eventful actually. First I go in and see the doctor, they do blood work and make sure my blood counts are good enough to do treatment. Then, I go to the area where they do chemo. They have a bunch of recliners, and the nurse's station (of course), and a bunch of these IV machines. They start off with giving me a regular saline bag, and also a bag of nausea medicine. After about 30 minutes, it's time for the first chemo drug. At this point, I've been here about an hour already, and each chemo drug has to be given seperately, and each one is going to take approximately 1 hour. So, all in all, I'll be here roughly 4 hours the first day. And I have to come back tomorrow to continue one of the chemos. Then a few days later, I have to come back and start getting shots every day for almost a week long. So, this time around, treatment is going to be a lot more involved. But I have the laptop to watch a movie, or surf the internet in my comfy recliner. I'm feeling ok right now, but I can already feel a touch of nausea coming on. This is what I was dreading, the constant feeling of nausea, and everything just being a little "out of whack". O'well, could be a lot worse, I suppose. Thanks everyone for the emails, and cards and stuff. Talk to you all soon.

Surgery Went Well

2008-07-18T20:51:00.001-04:00

I just got back from my surgery about 1 hour ago. Everything went well. Took a little longer than I expected, but there were no problems. The appointment was at 1:30, which included checking in and everything. I thought I would be done and out of there by 4:30 or 5:00. Well, I didn't get home until a few minutes after 7:00. O'well, I would rather spend a couple extra hours there then to have them rush through it and get something wrong. So, I'm a little sore, but nothing bad. Just some Tylenol should do the trick. This means chemo is right around the corner. It's actually a relief in a way, to finally get things going, to get a little bit of progress.

Other than that, everything's the same as usual. Not much else going on. Yeah, pretty exciting, huh? lol I'll give another update as soon as I find out exactly when the chemo starts. Until then, everyone take care. Thanks to everyone for the encouraging cards, phone calls, etc.

Port going in, again.

2008-07-14T08:41:00.001-04:00

Well, I get a port put back in, again, this Friday. So that means I'm a few steps closer to starting chemo, and getting the ball rolling again. I'm dreading having to go through this again, mostly because I know what to expect from all of it. Just something I hoped I wouldn't have to go through again.

Not much else to report on. Just doing things as normal, trying not to think about all the treatment and all. But that's easier said than done, as they say.

Six Flags, and other stuff

2008-07-04T17:11:00.000-04:00

Well, I had a great time at Six Flags. Got to ride a bunch of rides, played a few games, spent way too much money on lunch, and got a good sunburn on my head. This has been the first time I've rode a roller coaster in a few years. The first one I had a little bit of anxiety, but that was quickly replaced with a big grin. I've always enjoyed riding coasters growing up, and this time was just as fun as it was then. Even though I went alone, I still had a good time. Not too crowded or too hot. I had a good time, and I wanted to go and do something fun before I began treatments.

As far as treatments go, I will be getting my port put in again in about a week, then start chemo the week after. I didn't really want to get the port again, but each treatment is basically going to be about 3 days long, each day being a few hours long. One of the chemos has to be given over a three day period, then after that I have to go in for 2 or 3 days for a Neupogen shot, basically a blood booster. So, this time around is going to be much more involved. After about 3 treatments, or about 2 1/2 months, I'll get ready for the bone marrow transplant. The doctors said I shouldn't get too sick or anything during the chemo, probably just get tired pretty quick. So about like last time.

Not too much more going on here. My last day at the bike shop was last week. I really do hate not being there, as I do enjoy the work. But I just have a lot going on, and soon enough I just won't have the time. So, hopefully when all is said and done, I can go back. But that probably won't even be until next year. We'll see though.

So, until next time, hope to hear from you all soon. Thanks to everyone who's kept in touch. Thanks for the calls and emails.

Plan of Action

2008-06-24T13:08:00.002-04:00

Well, here's the initial plan. I will be starting chemotherapy in about 1 or 2 weeks. Do chemo for about 3 months, then get ready to do a stem cell transplant. Ok, so a little class on what Hodgkin's Lymphoma is, and stem cells. Hodgkin's lymphoma is basically a cancer of the white blood cells (that's why you may hear people refer to lymphoma as a blood cancer). A lot of the white blood cells collect in the lymph nodes, and are sent to where they need to be when they need to go. So, some of the white blood cells in the lymph nodes have turned cancerous. Ok, so from here, the bone marrow is what produces all the blood cells, red, white, platelets, stem cells, etc. The stem cells are basically the building blocks for the marrow to re-grow (from what I understand). Basically what's going to happen is: after the chemo, they will give me a drug that makes the bone marrow pump out a lot of stem cells into the blood stream. While those stem cells are out there in the blood, they will do a type of transfusion to collect the stem cells. Once they get enough, they will clean them up from any cancer cells that may be there, and then store them in a freezer. From there, I will get an extremely high-dose of chemo that will basically kill off my current bone marrow. At this point, the marrow won't be able to produce any blood cells, to possibly include the cancerous white blood cells. Once the bone marrow is dead, they will begin to put back the stem cells, and let my body rebuild the marrow. During this time of the marrow rebuilding, I'll be out of work. My immune system will basically be shot, so not much contact with a lot of people for a while. Although a good thing is, I won't have to stay in the hospital unless I get sick. This will be about 3 to 6 months, and during this time I won't be allowed to work. Thankfully, my work is going to help me out a lot with this. I'll have enough time off saved up for about 1 1/2 months, my brother is already going to donate some of his leave to me, and then a lot of the firefighters have already said they would donate some of their time also. So, I won't be out of a job, and I'll still get a paycheck. So, that's a big load off of my mind.

So, that's it for now. I know it's a lot, but I'll have more details later on. I'm not sure when I'll start chemo, but when I do, I'll let everyone know. It's a lot for me to process, but I'm working on it. It's gotten me pretty down about everything, but I know there's light at the end of the tunnel. I just hate having to go through all of this again, and worse this time. But I'm working on keeping a good perspective on all of this. There's a song out there from Justin McRoberts, http://www.justinmcroberts.com/mainpage.html (some christian singer guy ;-)) and he has a song called "Done Living" that has been a really big inspiration for me. The main chorus, which is the part that hits me the most, is:

"You see the question isn't are you going to suffer any more

But what will it have meant when you are through?

The question isn't are you going to die, you're going to die

But will you be done living when you do?"

This just sets my perspective straight each time I hear it. I play it about 3 times each time I'm driving somewhere. It's a very powerful song, and the rest of the lyrics are just as good. These lyrics help me to see that what I'm going through isn't just about me, but when I get through this, what am I going to do with the experiences? What does all of this really mean? Why? And there's no use in worrying about death. Everyone is going to die at some point. But the thing to look at and question is whether I have lived this life to the fullest? So this has been a good thing for me to focus on. Knowing that God is going to be with me through all of this, no matter what the outcome may be, is a huge relief. Even though I know I'll get frustrated, angry, sad, sick, depressed, just about every emotion, I know that God will always be there in some form or fashion. My prayer is that I continue to live this life as best I can. And maybe my story can help someone else. Who knows. We'll see. Thanks everyone for the help and encouragement so far.

The Update You've All Been Waiting For...

2008-06-04T22:11:00.001-04:00

Well, here's the news. The cancer is back. Same thing as before, Hodgkin's Lymphoma. This time, as of right now, it's at stage 2. But this time I'm going to have to do chemo, radiation, and a bone marrow transplant. And the cancer center I was going to can not do the marrow transplant, so I have to start going to another hospital, Northside Medical. And I basically have to start all over again with the tests and everything. I don't know all the details yet, but this time around is going to be a lot rougher than before. The chemo-therapy is going to be a stronger dose, radiation for 5 days a week for about a month or two (I think this is how it will go), and the marrow transplant. I'm not sure on how the marrow transplant will work, but my first doctor told me they would take my current marrow, harvest the stem cells from it, grow a new, clean batch of marrow, and re-introduce that through an IV. At least that's the basics. This might change a little bit once I get started with Northside, but for now this is all I have to go on. It's definitely going to suck, but I'll survive. I really don't know what else to say at this point, but I'll get through it the best I can. I wish it was better news. Once I know more details I'll fill everyone in. So, if you all could, say a prayer or two for me. Lord knows I'm going to need it. As far as the LiveStrong challenge, that's not going to happen for me now. At least not this year. Maybe next time around. Thanks everyone for the support so far.

Update

2008-05-21T16:19:00.001-04:00

Well, I just got the results from CT scan. A few of my lymph nodes have come back swollen. The doctor doesn't know if it's cancerous or not yet, so I have to get a PET scan next week. So, it may be back. If it is, the LiveStrong ride for me may be out of the picture, for this year at least. We'll see though. If it is cancerous though, the treatment probably won't be as bad as it was before. It just depends. I'll give another update as soon as I get the results from the PET scan. So, keep me in your prayers.

Six Month Checkup

2008-05-17T08:52:00.001-04:00

Not much going on here. Just working like crazy. I'm getting on average 16 hours of overtime each week, which sounds nice, but it's burning me out quick. I haven't had time to do much of anything else, but hopefully that will change soon. Other than that, I had my six month checkup CT scan yesterday. I've been seriously stressed about that. I just can't shake the feeling that the cancer may have come back, either as Hodgkin's, or something completely different. I know I shouldn't worry about it so much, but I just can't get it out of my mind. What if it has come back? I feel fine, but then I felt fine when I was diagnosed the first time. So, who knows. I'm just trying to prepare myself for the worst, and hope for the best. I should know the results sometime next week. If it's not good, I'll know really soon, like monday or tuesday. So, if you would, please send up a prayer for me. I could use it.

Other than that, nothing else is going on. I don't get much time to ride my bike, but I'm trying. For the next 3 or 4 weeks, I'll be working day shifts at the base, so hopefully that will help out to give me time to ride. Lord knows I need to. But again, we will be doing a lot of overtime for June. I think it will be easier to ride then, as I won't be so tired from working these midnight shifts. As far as the LiveStrong challenge, I've set out some information pamphlets at the bike store, so hopefully a few people will want to donate. I still haven't received any more donations, other than the one from Keith. But I have until October, so I'm not worried about it. I look forward to going to the challenge. That will be a fun time, I think.

Nothing much new, yet...

2008-04-06T12:45:00.002-04:00

Well, not much new going on. Still haven't had much time to ride. Although I finally got my mountain bike ridable again. I was having a lot of trouble with my brakes. Finally had to rebuild the front brake caliper, which solved pretty much everything. I was getting so frustrated with it because everything I did before rebuilding it was doing absolutely nothing. So, I got it running again, and went for a short ride. Everything's good for the most part. I'm still having a shifting issue with the crank, but I think I know what's wrong. We'll see.

I started some online classes this past week. I'm finally getting off my butt, per se, and getting it done. I'm enrolled in a Graphics Design course with the Art Institute of Pittsburgh Online. Basically it's computer graphics, which is what I always wanted to do, but due to multiple set-backs, it never happened. So, now's my chance. And I'm taking it. I'll probably be experimenting some with this website, so it might look different in the future. I also got a new laptop so I can do my schoolwork while I'm at work. The computer at work won't let me load the needed programs on to it, and I wanted to do the majority of my homework at work. Lord knows I have plenty of free time there. Needless to say, the laptop is extremely nice. And I got a screaming deal on it. Everything else out there that's even close to comparing to it is at least $500 more. So, I think I did good by getting it.

Well, nothing much new other-wise. Still trying to work on getting on the road bike more. The weather is finally starting to get nice, so hopefully I have a chance to get out and ride more. It just needs to stop raining so much. All in due time though. I'm also going to get a class with a personal trainer at my gym. I know I have some specific things to work on, and have an idea on what to do, but not very well defined. So, a trainer should be able to get me on the right track. I'll write back and let everyone know how that goes.

P.S. If anyone is having any problems getting to my LiveStrong donation site, let me know. A few of you have had problems, and I have no clue on what's going on. So, shoot me an email or leave a comment and I'll help out.

Small update

2008-03-26T07:27:00.003-04:00

Well, nothing much new going on. I admit I haven't been riding as much as I should be. I know that I've put a lot of effort and time into building a good and reliable road bike to do the LiveStrong challenge, but haven't been out actually riding it much. I'm just a "fair-weather" rider. It's just been too cold to go and ride when I have the time. I don't have cold weather gear, and bulking up with sweatshirts and such doesn't do too much when the wind cuts right through it. Hopefully, though, the weather will warm up more, and I'll get out and ride in some different locations. Right now, I've only been riding around the neighborhood, and it's getting kinda boring. I've been to the gym a few times also, only to do cardio. But I'm finding that my right leg is still significantly weaker than my left one. This all stems back to the West Nile Virus I got back in 2003. Some nerve damage had occurred and just simply can't push my right leg as much as my left. And this is very pronounced when trying to pedal hard up a hill. So, I'm going to start doing some specific leg weight lifting to try and balance it out again. It was alright for a while, but it's starting to show up again the more I'm riding. It didn't give me any problems when just walking around, but the more I ride, the more I'm using my left leg, and the strength difference is starting to show again. The other week, a friend and I walked to a restaurant for lunch, and he noticed me limping a little bit. I knew of the strength difference, but didn't think it was noticeable. Well, I know now that it is. So I'm going to start working on that, along with everything else.

So, I've been signed up for the LiveStrong challenge for a while now, and have received my first donation. Thanks a ton, Chris. It's a big encouragement to know that people believe in me enough to make a donation. But it's not really about me, it's to help others that are in the same (or worse) condition that I was in. Now I'm going to begin requesting donations from businesses and such. Lets hope for the best, and that I can rise to the occasion.

3 month checkup

2008-02-29T19:27:00.002-05:00

Today I had my 3 month checkup with the oncologist. I was originally suppose to have the checkup last week, but somehow the appointment either got deleted from the system, or simply was never entered to begin with. So, I was a little miffed about that, but I felt fine so I figured I could wait until the next week. As expected, everything was ok. Probably the only thing that's bothering me now is not having much energy when I wake up in the morning. She said she wasn't too surprised. Said that it would probably be about a year from the last chemo until my endurance fully came back. But the initial blood work came back good, and if there's any cause for alarm, they will call me next week. Pretty re-assuring, huh?

Other than the lack of endurance, my bicycle training is slowly coming along. I haven't been riding as much as I would like, but I'm trying. I'm working on going to the gym about 3 times a week now. Now that my work schedule is half-way straightening out, it shouldn't be a problem.

Not much else going on with me. Same old thing, day in and day out. I know I know, my life is too exciting and that i should tone it down a bit. I'll try and keep it to a manageable level next time. Ok, until next time.

My Road Bike

2008-01-26T15:37:00.001-05:00

As promised, here's a few pictures of my road bike. Not the best pictures, they were taken with my cell phone camera. I might do a few more upgrades between now and when I do the LiveStrong Challenge, but not much. Enjoy!

LiveStrong Challenge; Austin, TX

2008-01-16T23:49:00.001-05:00

Well, I'm registered for the LiveStrong Challenge in Austin, Tx. No turning back now! I signed up to do the 65 mile ride. They had a 90 mile ride also, but I don't know if I'll be up to that much by then. Who knows, maybe I will. I can change it later on if I want to. Here's the link to my own little web site for the fund raising. So, if you would like to give a few dollars, it would be much appreciated. ;-)

http://austin08.livestrong.org/chadmeeh

Port Removed

2008-01-11T15:44:00.000-05:00

Wednesday, January 9th, I had my port removed. Thank goodness! That was the last thing to have done to say "I'm done" with the cancer treatment. If you don't know what a port is, this is it: http://www.powerportadvantage.com. It goes right underneath the skin, usually on the front upper section of the chest. They wanted to put it on the left side, but I figured "I'm going to be doing a lot of driving, and the seatbelt would go right over that. That may hurt." So I had them put it in on the right side, mostly out of convenience. Anyways, everything went well. I'm still a little sore, but it's nothing. A little Darvocet and EVERYTHING is fine. Haha (Not really. I am having to take it for the pain though.)

It's a huge relief to be on the other end of treatment. I have a lot to look forward to this year. My friend Amanda and myself have pretty much decided that we are going to do the LiveStrong ride in Austin, TX. It's not till October, so I have plenty of time to get ready for it. She's already a good rider, fitness wise, and she has experience doing charity rides. So, that's part of my motivation to get good on the road bike (so I'm not too embarrassed by being this big guy on a tiny bike with no clue on what he's doing). Some other people have expressed some interest in doing the LiveStrong ride with us, but I don't know if they will do it or not. I'm excited to be going to Austin. This is the main event, if you will, of the LiveStrong rides. It's spread out over a few days, with a lot of stuff going on in the community. I think it will be a blast.

Well, as soon as I heal from the surgery, my training begins! I won't be following a training plan yet, as I'm basically coming in to it as a beginner. Chris, the general manager at the bicycle store I work at part-time, advised to just start riding for 30 minutes at a time to begin. That way, I get use to it first. Every week or 2, begin increasing the time I'm riding, by about 10 minutes each time. I figured once I get up to about 1 to 1 1/2 hours at a time, I should be good to start a training plan. We'll see though. I'm excited to begin training. I have a good amount of extra weight that I need to get rid of (partly due to the cancer), and I know I'll start feeling better once it starts coming off. All in good time though.

I'm going to post a few pictures of my new road bike next post. It's a 2007 Lemond Alpe De'Huez. Good looking bike, in my opinion, and extremely comfortable. It's been rated as a very good bike for longer distances and people who have had back troubles, so this suits me almost to a T. There's still a few things I want to upgrade on it, as most of you know I can't help myself when it comes to putting money into a bike. It's just that I really enjoy doing it. So, be looking for those pictures here in a week or so.

God bless,

Chad

Officially in the Clear

2007-12-09T19:05:00.000-05:00

I am now officially cancer-free! Boy, what a great thing. It's such a relief to know the cancer is in remission, and the doctor doesn't even expect anything to come up again, ever. It's because the cancer such a quick and great response to the chemo-therapy, that they expect it to stay away. There's always the slight chance of it coming back though. Something like 1-5%. I'll take those odds. It's been such a journey. My good friend, Blaine, told me about 2 Cor 1: 3-4. Boy was he right on the money with that one. No sooner did I read that, then one of my co-workers, who's in his 60s, found out he has lung cancer. One of the things he told me though was that he thought of me and how I persevered through my cancer, and it gave him a good bit of encouragement. So, we talked for about half an hour about it all, and he felt a lot more comfortable about what to expect. He has stage 1 cancer, which is good (relatively) because it's in it's beginning stages. He has a much higher chance of surviving with a great outcome. So, to be able to share my experience with him was a good thing for me also. It always feels good when you can comfort someone who's going through the same thing you went through and have the experience.

Other than that, my strength is coming back, slowly. I can tell the chemo is finally getting out of my system, and things are getting back to normal. And food is starting to taste normal again! What a great thing. But I still have the occasional chemo-brain thing happening. (Chemo-brain is slang for the side effect the chemo has on short-term memory). I can be thinking about doing something, and literally within 5 minutes I will completely forget about it. I didn't normally do this before. Not too much anyways. But that's starting to get better too.

So, this Christmas is going to be a little more special to me, even though I'll be by myself. The good Lord keeps reminding me of what I've been through, and it just puts a smile on my face to know that I came out on the other side just fine, with His right beside me of course. And I'm really looking forward to 2008. I think things are going to be good for me. We'll see what happens!

Long Overdue Update

2007-11-06T21:25:00.000-05:00

First, let me apologize to everyone for not keeping up with the updates. At the end of September, I moved to a new apartment, and couldn't get internet for almost a month. Now that I have it, I will try to keep the updates coming more regularly.

Well, a lot has happened since last time. I had my last chemo-therapy treatment on Oct 31! Thank God that's over with. I have my next PET scan on Nov 26, but the doctors are 99.9% sure it's going to be clear, seeing as how the last scan was clean. That means the cancer is officially in remission! Although I am very fortunate that it wasn't worse than it was, it wasn't a walk in the park. All that time of being sick, upset stomach, being extremely tired, and the little bit of hair loss. Feels like it's been going on for a lot longer than 6 months. But here I am, getting over the last little bit of nausea and fatigue, and looking forward to getting on with my life. Things sure have changed for me though. I definitely have a different outlook on life, which I think is a standard for almost anyone who has survived cancer. I'll go in to details about that later. But when you hear those words "you have cancer", that's one of the most fearful things there is. And it will change your life, whether you like it or not. Lord knows the millions of thoughts that ran through my head. I was scared beyond anything I'd ever felt before. Sure I've been to Kuwait and Saudi Arabia when I was in the military, but there was always some measure of security and safety in that. But with the cancer, you feel completely helpless. Sure there are good doctors and medicine, but that stuff doesn't always work. It was the first time in my life that I ever felt completely defenseless, and it scared the hell out of me. One of those thoughts was that "this is it. My time is up. I guess I've had a good life. Wish it could have been longer though." But that was one of those thoughts that I HAD to get rid of, or else the cancer would have won. And I eventually did. Now looking back, I know that with the grace of God, I have overcome a tremendous hurdle, and that I DO have more life to live. Now's my chance to really make a difference, really make something meaningful of my life. I'm still trying to figure out the details of it all though. What exactly do I do now? What do I strive for? I know a lot of "good" answers, but not the one that's for me. For now, my new goal is to do a charity bicycle ride for the "LiveStrong" foundation. There's going to be a few charity rides in 2008, and that's what I'm focusing on starting now. I know I have a long ways to go, fitness wise, but my goal right now is to do one of those rides. I'll update everyone on the details when I get a better idea of exactly when and where that will be.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart to all of you who have prayed and supported me through all of this. I know I haven't been in contact with everyone as much as I would like, but please know that I continually think of all of you, and give thanks for you being my friends and providing support. It all really means more than you could imagine. I will make a conscious effort in the next few weeks to get in touch with all of you. God bless every one of you.

Great Test Results

2007-08-08T23:07:00.001-04:00

Well, I got the results from the PET scan today. As far as the scan shows, all of the cancer is gone! I couldn't believe it. Not one single spot of cancer, anywhere. But the doctors want me to continue the chemo-therapy to get all of the cancer cells that the scan may not show. Just a "better safe than sorry" type thing. Which is fine with me, I don't want to go through this again. So, thanks to everyone that was saying a prayer for me. Things are going ok, had chemo today, and the nausea is already hitting. It use to take a couple of days, but this time and the last time it hit only a few hours later. The doc gave me a new nausea medicine, so hopefully it works good. I'm just happy the cancer is gone, seems pretty amazing to me that only 3 months ago things were looking not-too-good. Thank God things went/are going as good as they are. Thanks again to everyone that has kept me in you prayers and memories.

Chad

Chemo is boring

2007-07-30T20:04:00.000-04:00

Well, it kinda is. The actual process of getting the chemo. All you do is sit there while they inject the chemo in. It doesn't hurt or anything, don't even feel it. The only thing I don't like is the saline flushes they have to do between each drug. For some odd reason, a lot of people taste or smell the saline. I smell it. It's nasty, like getting a big shot of sea water up the nose. But the actual process of chemo is pretty much just sitting there. I have a portable dvd player which helps, but I feel rude when the nurse is doing something, and I'm just sitting there watching my movie. So, I'll pause it and speak to them. Sometimes they talk back, sometimes they don't. Whatever.

It seems like this last chemo, I got sick right away. It usually takes a few days for the nausea to come on, but this time was different. It may be because I didn't eat anything before hand. Who knows. I was suppose to get my PET scan tomorrow, but the machine broke down. Now it's going to be another week until they can get it done. I want to get it done and over with just to see what progress I'm making. I was suppose to have it done last week, but the hospital visit canceled that. O'well, I can be patient for another week.

Interesting Past Few Days

2007-07-20T20:24:00.000-04:00

Well, the past few days have been interesting. I just spent those days in the hospital. I had another blood clot, and part of it moved to my lung. Yep, a pulmonary embolism. It wasn't a bad one, but it could have been. I was short of breath all the time, and my left calf was hurting for a few days until I finally went to the doctor. I knew I had a blood clot, but didn't even thing about the lung part. I was taking a blood thinner medicine, Coumadin, but apparently sometimes when one is on chemo-therapy, it gets canceled out. So, even though I was taking the medicine, it wasn't doing what it was suppose to. Now I have to take a shot in the stomach every day while I'm doing chemo. Which will be another 3-4 months. yay.

I'm back home now, which is a good thing. I was bored out of my mind while there. The television only had a few good channels to watch, and it was one of those remote control things that only had one button to change the channel. So, if you accidentally went past your channel, opps, gotta go through every channel again to get back to it. I took a book to read, but didn't have a small light to read with. Either the large overhead light, or nothing. Well, I should stop complaining. My stay did go good, considering the circumstances.

Another Chemo done with

2007-07-13T00:51:00.001-04:00

Well, chemo #4 is done for. Seems like I started getting sick sooner this time. And of course the medicine they gave me to begin with isn't working too well this time around. I have some other medicine that does the trick, so I guess I'll be taking that from now on. And I'm noticing that when I'm not feeling good, it seems like time just drags along at work. Probably a combination of not feeling good and being really bored.

Over the past few weeks I'm noticing I've been extremely tired, or get tired very quick. I went to the golf driving range, and when I was done I had to take a nap for about 2 hours. haha. I mentioned this to the doctor, and they said it's to be expected. It may even get worse. I guess I see now why a lot of people going through cancer quit their jobs. I don't have a choice though. I have to work, that's all there is to it. At least everyone at my work is willing to help me out. That means a lot.

I know I keep saying this, but thanks to everyone that's been praying for me, and keeping in contact. It helps to know my friends are out there pulling for me. God bless you all.

Chemo #3 in the books

2007-07-02T17:48:00.000-04:00

Chemo #3 is down in the books. Nothing to much to write about other than a little bit of heartburn. And my appetite has gone down some, but that happens for the first few days afterwards anyways. And concentrating has become something that's a little harder than normal. My hair started falling out the other week, so I went ahead and shaved my head. Doesn't look bad, actually. The strange thing is none of my facial hair or body hair has fallen out. Which might be a good thing, cause I don't want to go around with legs smoother than a girls. haha. Well, I need to get going and eat something. Have to stay ahead with the nausea medicine, or else I'll get really sick. Made that mistake once, not again.

Getting sick, kinda rough

2007-06-15T15:21:00.000-04:00

Well, looks like I spoke too early about getting sick. Starting yesterday at work, I started to feel it. Then today, all I've been doing is getting sick. I can't even keep water down right now, but I think it's starting to go away a little bit. I just wish I could keep this nausea medicine down long enough for it to take effect. Kinda ironic, huh?

Second Chemo Treatment

2007-06-14T21:00:00.000-04:00

Had my second chemo treatment this past Tuesday. Everything during the chemo went good, just a little tired from not sleeping good the night before. Same side effects as last time. Real fatigued, a little nauseated, and my bones hurt some from the Leunasta shot. All of this was getting to me today at work, and I had to leave early. I felt bad, but my supervisor told me everyone was behind me, and was shocked that I'm doing as well as I am. So, it was partly expected. Made me feel good that they are there for me, and no concerns whatsoever for covering me on a moment's notice.

Still haven't lose my hair, appetite is the same, and still amazed that this is all, so far. Thanks to everyone who keeps in touch. I promise to get in touch with everyone who's emailed me. Sorry for a not to exciting email. I guess nothing new is a good thing in my case. One good thing going on at the chemo treatment center is that they're starting up a support group for all of the cancer patients, and I was asked to help out with it. For both of my treatments, I haven't seen anyone close to my age, so maybe with this group, I'll meet some. It's just kinda hard going through this with no one to really talk to who is is going/has gone trough cancer. Don't get me wrong, it's great being in touch with everyone, but I guess it's just different talking to someone who's had/has cancer. Guess it's just the common link. Well, I'll get going. Thanks again to everyone for listening to me ramble on a bit. God bless.

Wide awake in the middle of the night

2007-06-05T05:15:00.000-04:00

Well, here I am, 5 a.m. and I've been up for about 2 hours now. Can't sleep at all. My left leg is hurting, my right one keeps getting little spasms. My right shoulder grinds now, after the port surgery. And I can't sleep more than two to three hours a night because of the steroid injection they gave me during chemo. So, I'm having a fun night for sure. O'well, could be a lot worse. I could be in the hospital in a lot worse condition, so I am grateful for that. I'm also grateful to my friends. The multiple emails and phone calls I've received from them has been a great motivation for me. I really enjoy talking to all of them, some whom I haven't spoken with in years. Partly my fault, partly just loosing contact information. But all in all, things are great considering the circumstances.

One of my friends, Amanda, who's mom is a recent survivor of breast cancer, has been very encouraging to me. She will tell me all the things her and her mom went through, and the things that helped them out. When I talked to her yesterday, she was saying (about her mom) that God wouldn't put you through all of this if He didn't have some kind of awesome plan for you life. I keep getting told that too, but nothing has materialized yet. Guess that's the frustrating part of it all. When will I be able to move on into what God has planned for me? Am I there now, cause I don't see it. But in it all, even though I may get tired and frustrated with it all, I know He's there coaching me along. I just wish things were a little easier. haha It's all good though. As long as there's a good outcome for me or someone else, then it's all worth it.

Chad

First Treatment

2007-06-01T15:18:00.000-04:00

Had my first treatment on 29 May 2007. Everything went a lot better than I thought it would. Thankfully, I hardly had any side effects right off the bat. About the only thing I had the first night was a slight upset stomach. But one of the meds they gave me took care of that real quick. On the 30th, I had a Neulasta shot, basically a medicine to boost the white blood cell count. That makes the bigger bones hurt a little bit. It's enough to may me uncomfortable, but that's it.

Starting yesterday though, I've been getting tired a lot easier than normal. Yesterday, I took 3 or 4 naps. I've only taken one today so far, but am getting ready to go lay down again.

So, all in all, everything is going great. Not at all what I expected, but definitely grateful they're going as good as they are. But that might change with the next few treatments. I may start getting some of the other side effects, like losing my hair and getting more tired than now. We'll see though, I'm not going to wait around for them to come. I'm just going to keep plugging away like usual.

Thanks to all of my friends and family that have written me emails. It means a lot to me, and as soon as I can, I'll write everyone back individually. God bless you all.

21 May 2007, Doctor's Results

2007-05-31T13:39:00.002-04:00

I had my doctor's appointment on Friday, and got the results from the bone marrow test and PET scan. The bone marrow came back clean, no cancer there. Thank God. The PET scan showed that the cancer is on both sides of my diapraph, which isn't too good. They (the doctors) gauge what stage a patient is at by how much there is and if it's above/below or both sides of the diaphram. A stage 1 is the best and stage 4 is the worst. I'm at stage 4, which includes both sides of the diaphram and moved to other places. In my case, it has began to move to my bones: the right shoulder blade and the top right side of my hip bone. The doctor didn't seem too concerned with it though, said that the chemo would take care of all of it. I'll have 6 months of chemo, which starts on 29 May, and hopefully that's it. No radiation or any other surgeries.

All in all, it's not too bad. It's not great, but it could be worse. I'm just thankful that it was caught now, instead of later when it would be too late. I am still in shock of the whole thing, and just wonder about it all. If I never would have went to the hospital to get checked for a blood clot, I still would not know. I guess everything happens for a reason.

So, if you all could keep me in your prayers, and thank you for everyone who has prayed so far. I appreciate it.

Today I'm going in for a lung test and tomorrow for a heart test. One of the drugs in the chemo can have a bad reaction in a small percentage of people, and they have to check and make sure my lungs and heart are healthy enough in case there is a reaction. So, more tests, yippee! O'well, small price to pay I guess.

06 May 2007, port installed

2007-05-31T13:39:00.001-04:00

Well, things are ok with me so far. This past friday, I had a port put in. A port is basically a device that's put in right under the skin, around the collar bone, with a tube going into one of the main veins going into my heart. The doctors can administer the chemo through that. It's suppose to be easier to do it this way instead of sticking a vein each time. The area where it is installed is still pretty sore. The bones in the area feel bruised, and the stitches are still sore too. I guess that's expected after only two days.

I still don't know the results of the tests yet. I won't know those until the 18th. I'm praying that the cancer hasn't gotten into my bone marrow. If it has, I'll have to do a transplant of that. Let's pray that it hasn't gotten in there yet.

Well, starting tomorrow I'm going on vacation to Dayton, Oh. I'm really looking foward to this. A whole week off of work, I'm not going to know what to do. But I'll definitely find something to do. I'll update everyone as soon as I know the test results on the 18th.

01 May 2007, Bone Marrow Test

2007-05-31T13:38:00.000-04:00

I had a bone marrow test today, to see if the cancer has moved to the marrow. It wasn't too painful, actually. It kinda hurt, but the doc did a good job of numbing everything up real good. I won't go in to details, cause I don't want to make anyone sick, but it sounds worse than it actually was. The doc said I have very thick, healthy bones. Which is a good thing. I won't know the results for a few weeks, but I'm hopeful that everything is alright. Now, I just have to look forward to the PET scan and the Port to be put in, and the "hard" part is over with. I really hope the chemo-therapy isn't too bad. As my brother said though " just think of it as a six month diet plan." Guess that's a good way to look at it.

But as for now, everything is alright. Just looking forward to a little vacation next week in Dayton, Ohio, then on with the tough part (chemo), which will probably wreck my summer. O'well, life goes on. Hope everyone is doing good.

Chad

28 Apr 07, initial cancer diagnosis

2007-05-31T13:36:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, 27 April 2007, I was diagnosed with cancer. It's not terminal, but it's going to require at least 6 months worth of chemotherapy, and maybe radiation and a bone marrow transplant. The type of cancer is Hodgkin's Lymphoma. It's a cancer of the lymph node system. I'm going to survive, but it won't be a fun ride. I don't know the details of the exactly of how long I've had it, or at what stage it's at, but the doctors think they have caught fairly early. I'm not really showing any signs of advanced stages, so that's a good thing.

Well, that will be all for now. I just ask for your prayers.

Chad

My Struggle

2007-05-31T09:55:00.000-04:00

Well, here goes. I've been keeping my friends and family up to date with emails, and posting blogs on myspace. But thought this might be more accessible to others. So, here goes. I'll post my earlier stuff from myspace, to catch everyone else up on my progress.

So, for those who do not know, I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma on April 27, 2007. Kind of from left field, as I did not have any symptoms. But from my research, there's not too many symptoms for Lymphoma to begin with. So, finding out I even have it is a blessing. A blessing so that I can be cured of it. The doctor told me if I had let it go, I would most certainly die from it. Kinda scary, but also thankful for the doc thinking to look for it.

So here I am, in a place I never imagined I would be in. But, as the old saying goes: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I'm praying right now that this is the case.