Monday, April 22, 2013
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Been way too long, but a lot has happened lately.
Yeah, I know it's been a long time since I last posted. Too long.
But I'm going to try and start things back up.
So, a lot has happened since last I posted.
I moved to Hagerstown, Md a few weeks ago for a new job. Well, not too new as in I'm still a 911 dispatcher, but at a different place. And eventually I'll get paid a little more than I was. But the main reason I moved is I just needed to get away from Georgia. Not that I didn't really like it there, but too many bad memories, I suppose, from everything I went through. Needed a fresh start on life, again.
One of the biggest pieces of news I got was on April 19th. My oncologist told me that basically she sees no reason for me to continue being tested for cancer. That if it hasn't come back by now, then the likelihood of it coming back now is so low there's no reason to be checked anymore. For all intents and purposes, I'M CURED!!! God, the words I've been wanting to hear for a long time!
It's weird though, because with the move and new job and all, it still hasn't really sunk in. The very same day, I was packing the trailer to move up here. lol Maybe once I get more settled in here, it will hit me fully. But for some reason, this morning it hit some. Got a fire lit under me to really make something of myself, health-wise, and to really show everyone out there that I have truly beat this fucking cancer.
Which leads me to my next point. Almost a year ago now, someone in particular, that I didn't have a good opinion about already, made a very hurtful remark about me and cancer. I won't go in to too much detail, but I'll just say that it was the most shocking, hurtful thing I believe a human being could say to another who had just survived cancer. To say I was angry and seriously hurt is beyond words. I could sort of understand if it was someone I knew personally, like family or something like that. But this person hardly even knows me, has never even met me. And because they were "in a bad mood" is the reason I was given for the comment being said. Well, to me, that's no fucking excuse. Period.
But instead of letting someone else's opinion get me down, and make me think less of myself, I'm going to use it as fuel to better myself. I'm going to make myself into the best I can be. I've let those comments and shit get me down, way too much. But not anymore. I'm going to prove to that person, and every-fucking-body else that you can't keep me down. I may get knocked down, but by God, I will get back and up. I've been knocked down too much as it is. I'm going to get back up, brush the dust off myself, and make it to where I can't be knocked down again, not in the same way I was before. I have no clue what the future holds for me, but believe me, if I get knocked down again, it will either kill me or I will get back up and be better off than before.
All this time, I've been beating myself up for all the wrong reasons, and getting myself so depressed, I almost gave up trying. I was to the point I was just gonna set on my ass and accept that I wasn't going to be anything more than what the opinion of others of me was. Well, I know that that is the wrong thing to do, and I will PROVE everyone wrong, all those that think I'm not going to be more than I am now.
Now, just need to get informed, get my ass in gear, and prove that I'm stronger than the cancer that almost killed me. I'm more than that. Yeah, it's going to be a hard road, but I just need to be hard on myself like I haven't been before. I've been told I'm too hard on myself, but I believe I've just been that way for the wrong reasons. I've pitied myself. I started to get into that mindset of "whoa is me, whoa is me". You know what, fuck that. I'm shifting that to "whoa, look at me!"
But I'm going to try and start things back up.
So, a lot has happened since last I posted.
I moved to Hagerstown, Md a few weeks ago for a new job. Well, not too new as in I'm still a 911 dispatcher, but at a different place. And eventually I'll get paid a little more than I was. But the main reason I moved is I just needed to get away from Georgia. Not that I didn't really like it there, but too many bad memories, I suppose, from everything I went through. Needed a fresh start on life, again.
One of the biggest pieces of news I got was on April 19th. My oncologist told me that basically she sees no reason for me to continue being tested for cancer. That if it hasn't come back by now, then the likelihood of it coming back now is so low there's no reason to be checked anymore. For all intents and purposes, I'M CURED!!! God, the words I've been wanting to hear for a long time!
It's weird though, because with the move and new job and all, it still hasn't really sunk in. The very same day, I was packing the trailer to move up here. lol Maybe once I get more settled in here, it will hit me fully. But for some reason, this morning it hit some. Got a fire lit under me to really make something of myself, health-wise, and to really show everyone out there that I have truly beat this fucking cancer.
Which leads me to my next point. Almost a year ago now, someone in particular, that I didn't have a good opinion about already, made a very hurtful remark about me and cancer. I won't go in to too much detail, but I'll just say that it was the most shocking, hurtful thing I believe a human being could say to another who had just survived cancer. To say I was angry and seriously hurt is beyond words. I could sort of understand if it was someone I knew personally, like family or something like that. But this person hardly even knows me, has never even met me. And because they were "in a bad mood" is the reason I was given for the comment being said. Well, to me, that's no fucking excuse. Period.
But instead of letting someone else's opinion get me down, and make me think less of myself, I'm going to use it as fuel to better myself. I'm going to make myself into the best I can be. I've let those comments and shit get me down, way too much. But not anymore. I'm going to prove to that person, and every-fucking-body else that you can't keep me down. I may get knocked down, but by God, I will get back and up. I've been knocked down too much as it is. I'm going to get back up, brush the dust off myself, and make it to where I can't be knocked down again, not in the same way I was before. I have no clue what the future holds for me, but believe me, if I get knocked down again, it will either kill me or I will get back up and be better off than before.
All this time, I've been beating myself up for all the wrong reasons, and getting myself so depressed, I almost gave up trying. I was to the point I was just gonna set on my ass and accept that I wasn't going to be anything more than what the opinion of others of me was. Well, I know that that is the wrong thing to do, and I will PROVE everyone wrong, all those that think I'm not going to be more than I am now.
Now, just need to get informed, get my ass in gear, and prove that I'm stronger than the cancer that almost killed me. I'm more than that. Yeah, it's going to be a hard road, but I just need to be hard on myself like I haven't been before. I've been told I'm too hard on myself, but I believe I've just been that way for the wrong reasons. I've pitied myself. I started to get into that mindset of "whoa is me, whoa is me". You know what, fuck that. I'm shifting that to "whoa, look at me!"
Saturday, May 19, 2012
It's really been since January????
Well, for those who read this, I'm sorry for not keeping up with things. Just really haven't had a whole lot of stuff going on for a while. Until fairly recently, I suppose.
Got myself another mountain bike about a month or so ago. Had sold my last one out of frustration, partly with some of the parts on it, partly with my own fitness. So, I sold the bike I had, and didn't think I would miss riding at all. Well, I was totally wrong. I've been thinking about riding a lot, and missed not having a bike. So, I got another one.
But......
I've only ridden twice so far. Ya see, on the second ride, at the end of the trail, I wrecked. Didn't damage the bike at all. But I did break my ankle! Not a bad break, though. Just chipped a bone. Was in a walking cast for a few weeks, and now I'm out of that. Still sore, but I think in about a week or so, I should be fine to ride. Just gonna take it easier, and wrap my ankle for a while.
Yes, I'm a clutz.
But, it's not gonna keep me from riding. Just can't help but think of riding. And those two rides I did get in, i really enjoyed. I didn't try and ride real hard, or long. Just went out with the mindset of just have fun. And I did. Just gonna take it easier than I was before, enjoy riding. My fitness is no where near where I want it, and I'm not gonna push it too hard. That's what I did before, and I burnt myself out.
I still have the grand ideas of doing long, overnight type rides. A camping type ride, which they call bikepacking. Basically backpacking, but instead of hiking, you ride a bike. I've read a lot about it, and it sounds like a blast. So, I'll work towards that. No big, grand ideas or anything, not yet. The time will come for all of that. Right now, I just need to get back into riding, and working on my fitness.
As far as my cancer. Things are still looking good. Like my last post said, last PET scan was in December. So glad to have that behind me. Still have to do blood work the next few years, but for the most part, I'm over the hump. I've been spending all this time trying to process it all. This cancer shit has been at the forefront of my life for so long, it's weird knowing that, basically, it's now behind me. Still working on moving beyond it. And of course, it's still on my mind that there's still a chance it can come back. God, if it does......I don't even want to think of it.
I've got a little more going on, that I'll write about more in another post soon.
As for this blog, seeing as how the cancer is basically behind me (hopefully forever), I gonna kinda change focus. I'll start posting more on the fun things I'm doing. Like mountain biking, fitness, some camping, and other fun stuff I'm doing with this new lease on life. I guess to kinda show there is a life after cancer. And I'll try and be a little more active with posting. Not this one-post-every-5-months routine I've been doing lately.
So, with that, here's a few pics of the new mountain bike. And I promise, I'm going to hold on to this one for a while!
The new bike is a 2012 Trek Cobia. Nothing seriously fancy, but it's a fun bike to ride. Thanks to Free Flite Bicycles for everything.
Got myself another mountain bike about a month or so ago. Had sold my last one out of frustration, partly with some of the parts on it, partly with my own fitness. So, I sold the bike I had, and didn't think I would miss riding at all. Well, I was totally wrong. I've been thinking about riding a lot, and missed not having a bike. So, I got another one.
But......
I've only ridden twice so far. Ya see, on the second ride, at the end of the trail, I wrecked. Didn't damage the bike at all. But I did break my ankle! Not a bad break, though. Just chipped a bone. Was in a walking cast for a few weeks, and now I'm out of that. Still sore, but I think in about a week or so, I should be fine to ride. Just gonna take it easier, and wrap my ankle for a while.
Yes, I'm a clutz.
But, it's not gonna keep me from riding. Just can't help but think of riding. And those two rides I did get in, i really enjoyed. I didn't try and ride real hard, or long. Just went out with the mindset of just have fun. And I did. Just gonna take it easier than I was before, enjoy riding. My fitness is no where near where I want it, and I'm not gonna push it too hard. That's what I did before, and I burnt myself out.
I still have the grand ideas of doing long, overnight type rides. A camping type ride, which they call bikepacking. Basically backpacking, but instead of hiking, you ride a bike. I've read a lot about it, and it sounds like a blast. So, I'll work towards that. No big, grand ideas or anything, not yet. The time will come for all of that. Right now, I just need to get back into riding, and working on my fitness.
As far as my cancer. Things are still looking good. Like my last post said, last PET scan was in December. So glad to have that behind me. Still have to do blood work the next few years, but for the most part, I'm over the hump. I've been spending all this time trying to process it all. This cancer shit has been at the forefront of my life for so long, it's weird knowing that, basically, it's now behind me. Still working on moving beyond it. And of course, it's still on my mind that there's still a chance it can come back. God, if it does......I don't even want to think of it.
I've got a little more going on, that I'll write about more in another post soon.
As for this blog, seeing as how the cancer is basically behind me (hopefully forever), I gonna kinda change focus. I'll start posting more on the fun things I'm doing. Like mountain biking, fitness, some camping, and other fun stuff I'm doing with this new lease on life. I guess to kinda show there is a life after cancer. And I'll try and be a little more active with posting. Not this one-post-every-5-months routine I've been doing lately.
So, with that, here's a few pics of the new mountain bike. And I promise, I'm going to hold on to this one for a while!
The new bike is a 2012 Trek Cobia. Nothing seriously fancy, but it's a fun bike to ride. Thanks to Free Flite Bicycles for everything.
Top cap holds a "beverage" cap. One of my favorite drinks.
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